Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
