he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
