i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
