my sisters under your porch take her home
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
