I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
