so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
