Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
