What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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