Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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