do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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