It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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