is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
