blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
