plz talk dirty to me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ttyl tear gas
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
