You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
