yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
