youre lurking in front of me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
