He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
