i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Boobs speak an international language.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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