anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
