What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
