we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
