I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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