i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
