well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
