soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
