I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
