Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
