: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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