my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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