Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
