It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
