drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
