I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
