I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
