I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
