dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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