He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
