He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
