it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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