just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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