Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
