You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
