The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
youre lurking in front of me
The best revenge is premature balding
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
