the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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