VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
