I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
