I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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