Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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