it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
