I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
