At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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